To Whom it May Concern

I don’t love Mondays. Who really does?  But if you were curious if a full time missionary who doesn’t have a “demand” of a time clock got the Mondays? I can say yes, yes we do. 

It could be that I struggle to release more than two decades of routine, but Mondays often feel like I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I need to set my week in some kind of order. Especially since my week is always flexible and I battle that feeling of wanting routine I feel out of whack as if on unsteady ground. 

When I went to Guatemala the first time, I was moved by how the missionaries would seek God for what they should be doing, who they should talk to, and allow his spirit to guide their daily lives. Now they had admin days of course, but many field days looked like that. I was so drawn to that life of being so led by the spirit on a daily basis that it in large part encouraged me to go to the missions field full time. I missed that opportunity of a lifestyle while there. Not because he wasn’t available for the seeking, but because I was in a different place. It wasn’t time for that quite yet. I had too much internal noise. I had so much to surrender before I could get to that place. 

Now I’m there, and I find myself just sitting and asking what’s next? Today, his answers have been “keep talking to me, I’m listening.” Nothing more right now, but I know he’s near. He’s molding my prayers to be less selfish. They are more of a collective gathering of prayers, a surrendering of heart searches within myself as I sit  asking him to show me. He’s near, I’m being obedient, and that means I’m right on time. It helps me battle off my melancholic Monday feels that really aren’t true, just lacking perspective. 

I’m making strides in the sitting and the seeking. Sometimes, I’m driving around town just focused on hearing. Sometimes, I sit outside in the shade and pen thoughts about it on my phone and see Him move in grace over these words. 

He’s for me, and I’m gonna win. Not because I’m good at anything, but because he’s showing me through revelation how much more full he is than me, and - more and more -  I’m dumping all my gunk out and letting him seek my heart. It’s work, and, at times, scary, but oh how he reveals himself! In and through, it is a deep rich wellspring of wonder and awe.